It’s really easy to use, the nurse said. Just strap this to your chest. Put this up your nose. Attach this to your finger. Turn it on. And go to sleep.
In a last-ditch attempt to figure out what ails me, I’m being tested for sleep apnea. Apparently this is when you stop breathing in your sleep and then wake yourself up to restart the process. This is done so quickly that your waking self doesn’t realise it. So all those hours I think I’ve been sleeping through the night might well have been an illusion.
When I met with the rather charming sleep doctor (the technical name eludes me), he said with a serious face completely devoid of humour and with full confidence that his message would be understood: You’re showing all the signs, and you have the body composition to make you a prime candidate – you’re carrying extra weight and have a thick neck.
Fair enough – but what is it with this thick neck? Not a month ago my hairstylist said: Darling, you just can’t wear long hair. It would make me look fatter. You have a thick neck.
Perhaps I’m being hypersensitive but surely a little nuanced English wouldn’t go astray here, English teachers. There has to be plenty of other ways to get the message across without adding to my phobias. I’d settle for a wide neck, a generous neck, a solid neck, even a brass neck – but a thick neck?
Curious, I Googled the term ‘thick neck’ and see that there is a whole segment of society out there that wants what I have and are prepared to exercise to get it. Imagine that! Granted, they’re mostly bodybuilders, hired muscle, or professional footballers, but hey …
And there’s even a gallery dedicated to one person’s love of thick necks.
My Hungarian friends tell me I’m suffering from what’s known as tavaszi fáradság or spring tiredness, which is apparently associated with the fact that as the days get longer, the increase in light affects people’s biorhythms and hormonal cycles. That might explain the mood swings but the tiredness stuff started in December.
Anyway, only time will tell. And in the meantime, I can bask in the glory of having a body part that others have to work hard to get. Doesn’t that make a pleasant change 🙂 It truly is all a matter of perspective.