As I looked across to the other lane on the A5 travelling from Slovenia back to Hungary, something struck me.
A truck had jackknifed at some stage in the 24 hours since we’d driven in that direction. I suspect it was in the early morning – in the snow. Traffic had backed up for 11 km. Hundreds, and I mean hundreds of trucks waited in line. Cars had been diverted, and presumably, those trucks that could clear the bridges on the diverted route were given a pass, too.
The previous day, we’d left the house before 8 am, in plenty of time to make the 3-hour drive to Ljubljana and arrive in time to set up for the workshop I was giving at 1.30.
We fell at the first hurdle.
We’d decided to take the motorways to save time but the petrol station where we usually buy our matrica (Hungary) and vignette (Slovenia) doesn’t sell them anymore. We exited at the next matrica sign, doubling back on ourselves, only to find that their computer was down. Cue controlled panic of first-world proportions.
We eventually got sorted and arrived in Ljubljana before noon – in plenty of time.
24 hours later, we wouldn’t have been so lucky.
Looking over at the tailback, I realised that my default setting is to prepare for the worst.
If the airline says to be at the airport two hours before my flight, I’m there three. I buy insurance – even when playing Caribbean Stud poker. I’m big into preventive medicine; I don’t wait to feel ill before I go to a doctor.
I’ve realised too, that I’m having to consciously stop myself worrying. About everything.
About where the USA is headed.
About what will happen in Ukraine.
About the soaring costs of everyday living.
About the advent of winter and what those living on the streets will do.
About the cutting of undersea cables.
About some hacker breaching the banking system and leaving me penniless.
The list is endless.
I tell myself there’s no point in worrying as I can’t control any of it. I don’t always listen.
Today, I came across this prayer by Nadia Bolz-Weber. The photo she refers to is my featured image. It resonated. It resonated enough to share because I know I’m not the only one rehearsing dread and practising fear.
Dear God,
You remember that whole “who by worrying can add a single hour to their life” thing? I could use a reminder of that right now.Took this photo a few days ago while walking along the river in Little Rock, Ar.I’m just rehearsing dread and practicing fear right now.So when I start doom-casting about what might happen in days to come, remind me that this day has worries of its own.Guide my hand to turn off the radio, my feet to walk away from my laptop, and my eyes to turn away from my phone, because none of that shit is healthy for me right now.With your grace, may we all recoil from hot takes as from a hot flame.And then give me the strength to do the next right thing in this life I have been given, among these people you love, in this place you created.I guess what I’m saying is, please help me not miss the good stuff because I’m worrying about the bad stuff.And if it’s not too much of a bother, could you, in your infinite mercy, also help everyone be on their best behavior this year at all our Thanksgiving tables? That’d be great, because more drama we do not need.
Amen.
2 responses
‘Worry only about that which you can control. Learn how to adapt to everything else.’ alongside this St. Theresa’s Prayer comes to mind.
Indeed…
Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.