I came to Hungary with two suitcases and two pictures. What happened? How did I accumulate so much stuff? Where did it all come from? What was I thinking?
Our barn is packed with boxes and furniture. It looks nothing like the spacious, airy conference room/exhibition space it is designed to be. There are boxes of stuff from the old house. There are more boxes and stuff from my parents’ house at home. There’s even the stuff I brought with me all those years go.
There’s lots of stuff.
Too much stuff.
Sorting through the remnants of more than 60 years of marriage is a difficult task. Every paper has to be checked. Every box opened. Every bag emptied. I’ve found all sorts of things I’ll never know more about because there is no one left to ask.
Photos.
Keepsakes.
Mementoes.
With each opened envelope, box, or bag, my resolve to be better prepared myself grows. I don’t have kids. I don’t have anyone to sort through my stuff and decide what to do with it. Who’d like it? Who’d appreciate it? Is it trash or treasure? Should it be sold or sent to the charity shop for someone else to sell? Should it be given away or dumped?
I’m trying to be responsible. Duvets and pillows went to a horse sanctuary. Eyeglasses are going to the Lions Club to be recycled. Coins and stamps are going to the Bog to be sold in the gift shop (!). I’ve sold some stuff at car boot sales and given the proceeds to the Cemetery Committee. Other stuff I’ve given away to people I know will appreciate them. I’ve even sent some stuff abroad.
In our house, 2025 will be the year of the great döstädning.
In Sweden, there’s a kind of decluttering called döstädning — ‘dö’ meaning “death” and ‘städning’ meaning “cleaning”. The idea is that clearing out unnecessary belongings can be undertaken at any age or life stage but should be done sooner than later, before others have to do it for you.
Christmas 2024 is the year I finally draw the line and say – I don’t need anything – and mean it.
I have enough stuff.
Too much stuff.
I’ll be giving you stuff.
Some stuff I’m not ready to deal with. Not now. Not yet. That stuff I’m holding onto until I’m in the right frame of mind.
There’s the dress my mam wore to my dad’s funeral – it’s hanging in my wardrobe although there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell of me ever fitting into it. I can’t bring myself to part with it. There’s my dad’s old uniform gloves – far too big for me but a tangible reminder of how safe he always made me feel when he held my hand.
And there’s more.
Lots more.
Yes, 2025 will be the year of the great döstädning.
Grateful, as ever, to the Swedes for having a word to describe this.
If you have kids, do them a favour and start your own döstädning.
4 responses
Mary. I know exactly what you are going through as I had to clean out my parents home, and inherited many of their personal items. You are correct in giving yourself time before going through those treasures so dont rush it. Let those items comfort you, for now. You can dostandning them when the time is right…you’ll know when. Hugs, Shelly
My one regret is all those unasked questions that are now unanswerable.
Good luck Mary. Found a box of sugar’s from 2008. Pictures. I’m hanging on (procrastinating) of going thru it and not sure why.
Because it’s not the right time. Don’t force it. The box isn’t taking up that much space. The day will come when you want to see what’s inside. The day may never come. You’ll know.