2021 Grateful 14: Just for laughs

Every now and then FB throws up something that makes me laugh out loud. The space between every and now and then has widened in recent years but today was one of those days. From Nino Gigolashvili’s just on the Just for Jokes page, enjoy this gem.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local store manager:
Dear Mrs. Harris:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
  1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
  2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
  3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.
  4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don’t have a Code 3.
  5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
  6. August 14: Moved a, ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
  7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
  8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ EMTs were called. 
  9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
  10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
  11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.
  12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, ‘Madonna Look’ using different sizes of funnels.
  13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’
  14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed; OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’
  15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room? And last, but not least:
  16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the clerks passed out.
Townlife Magazine

MK – thanks for bringing it to my attention. After a full-on week (and read that as fully online), I’m grateful for the laugh.

 

 

Subscribe to get notified when I publish something new.

Talk to me...

%d bloggers like this:

By continuing to use the site, you agree to the use of cookies. more information on cookies and GDPR

Cookies and GDPR Compliance

The cookie settings on this website are set to "allow cookies" to give you the best browsing experience possible. If you continue to use this website without changing your cookie settings or you click "Accept" below then you are consenting to this.

General Data Protection Regulation

If you have voluntarily submitted your email address so that you can receive notifications of new posts, please be assured that I don't use your address for anything other than to do just that - and that's done automatically. I might use your address, if I knew how to, but I don't.

This blog does not make money, it does not carry sponsored content, it has no ads for which I receive any form of payment. If I review a place or a restaurant or a book, I don't receive any compensation from anyone. I wish I did, but that would require marketing myself and life is too short. If something changes, I will be sure to let you know.

You can unsubscribe at any time by clicking the unsubscribe or manage subscription links at the bottom of every email you receive. When you comment on a blog post, Google Analytics tracks where you're posting from. This is stored and I can check my stats to see how many clicks I had today, where people clicked from, and what they clicked on. That's it. Nothing more.

I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive, particularly to other commenters. If you want to have one of your comments deleted, the please get in touch with me at: mary@irjjol.com. I'm all for the right to be forgotten so will happily oblige.

So, in a nutshell, if you give me your email address voluntarily to subscribe to new posts or if you opt to subscribe to new comments, then you email is just used for this. Nothing else. Promise.

Close